Suenos

The dreams have began. The dreams about Spain, that is. A couple nights ago I had my first dream about Spain. It was about my first day teaching. In the dream I was in the classroom and we were doing a listening activity. I was going to read a passage and then have the students listen to the same passage on a CD and they would have to answer some questions about it. I started reading the passage and was having the hardest time. I couldn't even read in English! I was just stuttering and stammering all over the place. I couldn't correctly say the words...I was confusing myself...becoming incredibly frustrated. I hadn't prepared myself enough and it was all too apparent. I felt like the worst teacher in the entire world. And it was only my first day.

Thank God it was a dream. I woke up and realized that the dreams had began again. I had some crazy dreams before the very first time I went to Spain. I remember having dreams about not being able to get my visa, forgetting my passport, losing my passport, missing my plane, getting lost in Spain, etc. I literally had a dream almost every night before I left for a month.

I have just come to accept this as a part of my life. Anytime anything important is going on in my life I start to have dreams. If everything is going smoothly (as in, I have nothing to worry about), I don't have dreams...at least dreams that I remember. But as soon as something starts to worry me, it shows up in my dreams. Sometimes I don't even realize that something is worrying me until I have a dream about it.

Before I came home in June, I had dreams about the trip home and me traveling to Dublin alone. I was so preoccupied with everything and how everything in my life would turn out. This must just be my way of working things out in my brain. Maybe I get so tired of trying to work it out while I am awake that I have to deal with it while asleep. Or maybe I am so worried that I can't even leave it alone long enough to sleep. It can become quite exhausting.

The good news is that I now have everything planned for my return. My parents and I will leave here on September 23 and drive to Salt Lake City. I will fly out the morning of September 24 and will arrive in Paris the next morning. I will then catch a train from Paris to Hendaye (on the French/Spanish border). From there, I will go to Irun and get the keys to my apartment! With the help of an amazing friend, I have found an apartment all for myself! I am so excited to have an apartment already waiting for me and not having to do the apartment search once again.

I will begin teaching a few days later and start everything all over again. It's been a good summer but I am ready to be back in Spain. I miss it so much. My Spanish certainly needs a boost. And I think my relationship with a certain Vasco will profit from me being in the same continent, country and town. How sweet it will be.

Just a few photos....

...that I stole from Lance. Thank you!!

The Shannon River in Dublin, Ireland

Trinity College, Dublin

The wind combs (and their affects) in Donostia

Alicia and me on her birthday

Friends

Yup...the name speaks for itself.

Hopefully I'll get some of my photos uploaded soon...then I can stop stealing them from others!

I have been in the USA for a little more than a month now and I am finally starting to readjust to life here. The first time I returned from Spain I immediately fell right back into American life. I felt like I had lived a crazy Basque dream. Everything was so easy. No jet-lag. Cultural things were so familiar. I picked right back up with my life and moved on. It was only about 7 months later that I felt the affects from my year abroad.

This time around, everything has been a little more different. I haven't been able to adjust back so easily. Maybe it's because I know I am going back. Probably because I wish I was still there. But little by little I am waking up from my crazy Basque dream and realizing that I am in the USA...at least for another 2 months.

I am working at the golf course here in Battle Mountain as a bartender. Most of my customers are male and in their 40s. I have to smile alot and be cute and they love me. It's by far the easiest job I have ever done. But I enjoy it. I hear all the town gossip and then try to stay as far away as possible from it.

It's nice to be able to interact with adults who are not family members and have conversations without my 2 year old nephew. But most of all I miss my friends. I don't have any friends here in Battle Mountain. After I graduated from High School I tried to distance myself from most people I knew my entire life. And the ones I chose to keep in my life have all moved away from this town. So I hang out with my family...alot.

I miss being able to call a friend and meet for a drink. Or going for a walk (now I take walks with my dog and my Ipod). I just miss having interaction with a large range of people. I know I have lots of friends but they are all somewhere else. I suppose you could say I am lonely.

In 9 days I am going to Reno to escape my family and engage in some time with my dearly missed friends. I can't wait. Hopefully my 3 days there will be filled with delicious food, lots of alcohol and amazing laughs. Next Sunday can't come soon enough.

So if you are a friend of mine and will be in Reno next week, let me know and we can have some fun. I promise it will be worth it!

Back in the USA

I am back in the states...have been for a week now. It's weird and strange but good. I am glad to be with my parents and see my nephew every day. It's nice to be able to eat Mexican food anytime I want. I love being in the same time zone as my friends and family. It's mostly good all around.

But yet I still miss Spain. I miss my job. I miss my students. I miss my life there. My heart is still in Irun. I honestly can't wait to go back.

I went to Dublin on my way home. Here are the things I liked and disliked about the city:

Likes:
They drive on the left side of the road
They have double decker buses
They speak English.
It seems to be a very international city--I don't even know if I actually saw someone from Ireland!
They have Starbucks (familiar places are good)

Dislikes:
It is so expensive.
It rained while I was there.
Everyone is American.
It felt a lot like London, which feels a lot like the States.
They have Starbucks ( American people/things are taking over the world)
There is no where to sit down outside. Seriously, there are no benches on the streets.

So, yeah, Dublin was just ok. Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. I would like to see what else Ireland has to offer me.

Arrived in Salt Lake City completely dead. My parents and sister met me at the airport. We spent the night there and then drove the 5 hours home the next day. Two days later I got back in the car for a road trip across the entire state of Nevada and part of Utah with my sister and her fiance. Another 3 days in the car. I was able to see some friends in Reno and my grandparents and spend time with my sissy. But I was very glad to be back home and out of a car.

I started work yesterday. Not at the mine but at a hotel here in the town where I grew up. It's pretty shitty work but I manage to make it through the day. I surely don't like it but I am glad to have something to do and a paycheck coming my way.

When did the world become so complicated? Or maybe the question should be: When did my life become so complicated? I've been thinking today about how easy life was as a child. No job. No bills. No complicated relationships. Just school, friends and summer vacations. The only time things got complicated was when...well, I can't really think of a time. You had your friends. Your family. Your place. For me, at least, it was quite uncomplicated.

I've also been thinking a lot about my life lately and all it's complications. Where do I want to be? What is really important to me? Which path do I want to choose and will it be the right path? What people do I want to surround myself with to help me with the complications? Where/What is my place in this world? As you can see, my poor little head has been very occupied with these complications.

On the plus side, this weekend was the first time in my life that I actually felt like an adult. A real adult. Doing adult things. I spent the weekend in Donosti with a person that I am crazy about. We lived like adults and it was great. I mean, I figured one day I would actually have this feeling. Well, I hoped for it. But I always wondered when it would come. And now, on the verge of completing 25 years in this world, I finally feel like an adult.

Maybe that is what being an adult is all about: complications. If so, I suppose I like the feeling of being an adult enough to deal with the complications. It doesn't seem to be easy but it surely feels worth it.

A few photos from Mallorca

I haven't downloaded my photos to my computer yet but here are just a few from one of the other girls. Thanks, Claire!

We found this rose somewhere...or actually I think we might have stolen the rose. Either way, it still made us happy and silly.

Gesse, me and Marisol

The cathedral in Mallorca.

Juantxo's

I have many fond memories of Juantxo's. Some of my happiest days in Spain have happened because of Juantxo's or within the presence of Juantxo's. Futhermore, it is one of the places that has never deceived me nor let me down. Just the sheer mention of the word "Juantxo's" and this ridiculous smile begins to take over my face and I immediately get really excited and also really hungry.

What is this magical place?, you might be asking yourself. And how do I obtain this ridiculous smile?, might be the following question.

Juantxo's (pronounces Juan-chos) is a small bar/pintxos restaurant in La Parte Vieja in San Sebastian. They have the best sandwiches in the entire world. I am not exaggerating. We discovered this bar the last time I was in San Sebastian studying and it became a regular part of our existence. We probably visited Juantxo's at least once a week, if not more. We started to get to know the waiters and waitresses a little more and it was always a pleasant experience. They have the best tortilla de patata sandwiches in the entire city but I always order the "pechuga con vegetal" which is a grilled chicken breast with lettuce and tomates on baguette bread with mayo. I have probably eaten this particular sandwich 100 times and have never gotten tired of it. I actually still crave it...alot.

After I moved back to the States 3 years ago I would still talk about Juantxo's and sometimes dream about the sandwiches. Anyone I met that was coming here I would tell them to find Juantxo's and have a sandwich there. Plus, it is really good way to see another part of Basque culture and hear the Basque language. Everyone knows about Juantxo's and everyone goes there.

Tonight Gesse, Mylene and I went to Juantxo's for the last time together (probably the last time until I return). I, of course, ordered the same sandwich as always and right after I ordered the man behind the bar said: "I knew you were going to order that." And then he asked me if it was last year that I studied here and I said that it was 3 years ago. And he told me that I always order the same thing and that he knew I was going to order the same sandwich. He said he remembered me and couldn't believe that was 3 years ago.

I was surprised by this but it also made me really happy. I mean, I know I go there alot but I didn't think that they remembered me. Apparently they do. One other time when I went and one of the girls started to speak to me in basque and I answered her in Spanish and she was like: "Oh, that's right, I always forget that you don't speak basque." She had remembered me also! It's a bit flattering. Especially because we try really hard to fit in here and obviously it is sometimes impossible. And also because the basque ice is really hard to break most of the time so even the smallest acknowledgement of outsiders is quite the step forward.

Ummmmm, Juantxo's....you are such a filling and wonderful part of my life. Until I see you again...